Trying to keep Halloween alive!

It's been really weird trying to celebrate Halloween here in England. Over the past four years, the Brits have come along a bit in terms of understanding what it's all about (i.e. there's been a lot more to buy at the local shops), but there's still a lot of confusion around here over what and what not constitutes an All Hallows Eve fun night. So here are some basic tips to help you through the season:

1. You don't have to wear a scary costume! The little ones are already frightened enough as it is, without dressing them up as little Draculas or Elphabas. See my kids: I had SpongeBob, a dalmation and a nerdy geek this year (no, the little green man is not Orest). I still remember Larysa's first year at the school's Halloween disco, dressed as a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, and having some kid come up to her and say: "I'm not afraid of you, you're not scary!" Yeah, duh! Missing the point.

2. Our neighbours around the corner came trick or treating and told me to send my kids around to them when they returned from their jaunts, only to find their house looking dark and with no pumpkin lit up out in front. We then realized that a lot of people here aren't up on pumpkin etiquette and the girls have missed out on a lot of candy over the years!

3. What is the big deal with jack o' lanterns anyway? I think a lot of people still have a fear of sticking their hands inside of juicy old gourd and ripping out the guts to then carve out a design on the outside. I still remember our first year here, trying to get a jack o' lantern contest going at the school, getting numerous phone calls from people who had never touched a pumpkin in their lives. I can't tell you how many times I had to explain the rudiments of pumpkin carving.

4. The amount of backlash I hear over here that this is an "American holiday, and why do they have to supply these little brats with a year's supply of candy anyway?" is quite astounding. Get a grip Gramps, this is not an American invasion of commercial crassness, it's just an opportunity for the kids to dress up and get a toothache all in one night. Besides, all that scary dressing up will come in handy for those vicar and tart parties of the future, won't it?